this story originally appeared in the philippine daily inquirer on December 10, 2005.
Everything in life is a matter of perspective—or so I would like myself to believe. Thus, when I accepted a job with a firm that is primarily engaged in corporate law shortly after graduation, I was surprised to be on the receiving end of jokes and comments that said I had sold out, although not in so many words.
Sold out to what? I asked myself. I had joined the ranks of the stalwarts of capitalism, joked a friend. Another asked what happened to me in law school? But the words that stung most were those of an elderly friend. He said St. Thomas Moore became what he was because he never entered into compromises. It’s like sand in the hand, my old friend continued, once you make an opening even for just a little, everything else follows and disappears.
Of course, I never wanted to be a saint, but it was impossible not to be bothered by what they said. These were people whose opinions I valued very highly. I looked back to my periodic discussions with friends and classmates about life after law school. It was our majority opinion back then that service to the people can come in many forms, and yes, it can be done even in the practice of corporate law. Practicing corporate law helps people because you help corporations which in turn provide jobs to people. But to use the same argument at this time would seem to be nothing more than simple stretch-it-to-the-limit rationalization.
I could say that I used to be a social dreamer, a believer in the quest of Don Quixote. But it was impossible to stay that way in law school, or while simply growing up for that matter. You still dream, but not as often and as completely as before. The warning becomes a little bit more real each day: If you plan to build your life on dreams, it’s prudent to remember that a man with moonlight in his hands has nothing there at all. And so the balancing act begins of keeping reality and dreams side by side. A middle-class kid cannot afford to live in castles in the air. You cannot feed others without feeding yourself first.
But I did not go to law school just to feed myself. First of all, I stayed here, didn’t I? Several friends have already gone abroad to pursue the American dream or the Canadian dream. I stayed. Instead of going abroad to take advantage of the short-lived but lucrative tech bubble, I went to law school and slaved for four-and-a-half years to earn a license to practice law in this country. Does that not count for something? I could have gone abroad like others and tried to get a license to practice there. I did not. Instead I took the grueling 2005 bar exam and staked my future on its result.
And what’s wrong with corporate law anyway? Did I just sell my soul to the devil? Is a life revolving around Starbucks latte and macchiato and fax machines and e-mails the epitome of greed and evil? In any case, I never said I would be here for the rest of my life. The least I could do is experience it firsthand before branding it as something, and then I would know what I don’t want because I have been there.
I did not have this job just to feed myself either. It was a means to an end, a balancing act between dreams and reality. It is where I think I can best help myself and other people, at least for now. I think helping investors come in and decide where they would put their money contributes to national development. I think helping keep order in a chaotic commercial world, one corporation at a time, is as patriotic as directly providing legal services to the poor, although varying in degree.
And yes, the argument that helping banks and businesses in general creates jobs for people remains valid. A professor once said, “Despite raging battles going on outside the gate, someone has to man the store.” It’s the store that keeps the city afloat, isn’t it?
I believe selling out means turning your back on everything you once believed in, because you let reality kill your dreams. Because you no longer see things that are larger than yourself. Because you no longer see that there are things that are absolutely worth living, fighting and dying for.
Those who left and pursued the American dream did not sell out because they wanted to give a better life for their families. Those who stayed but earned their keep skimming money from the public coffers did.
Those who went into corporate law, like the many others ahead of me, did not sell out because that is where they could make the most out of their talents or maybe that was where they were needed. Those who opted to work in government but cheat the public out of justice every single day do.
Those who preferred to work in the private sector, did not sell out by putting up businesses or working for multinational corporations. Those who make a living out of every single government contract and call themselves public officials do. They are the ones selling out this country, its people and themselves.
Being 25 does not make one a sage. But I believe there is wisdom in saying that for as long as you never lose that perspective, there is no danger that one will fall into the depths of irresponsible capitalism. There will always be the will and the vision to do what I have dreamed all of my life. Which is to enable the poor to live in castles.
