this story originally appeared in the philippine daily inquirer on November 29, 2007.
Almost two years ago I crashed into a deep and dark pit. Everything just went too fast.
Diane and I were both suffering from a breakup in the middle of October that year. We had been dumped by our exes for the same reason: a third party. We were both aware of what was happening with the other. She was my classmate, like her ex, and ours was such a small world we just knew what was the latest about whom. Thanks to our friendship, we shared each other’s story.
Before we noticed it, we became close. Perhaps it was our identical fate that brought us closer. Each time we talked about our “similarity,” we seemed to understand each other.
Then came the semestral break. Most of the time, we were either on the phone or our hands were busy texting. And boy was I so glad, because I never really imagined that we would turn out to be that way. For almost two years, she was confined to one man. I never got a chance to talk to her about personal matters, if I remember correctly.
Before the semestral break was over, she became my girlfriend. Our courtship lasted less than a week, if you want to know.
When classes resumed, I thought everything would be just fine. I had a new girlfriend whom I loved very much, and I was inspired to put more effort into my studies. There was nothing more I could ask for. I was very happy.
But I forgot that in every story, there are villains. In this case, it was Alex, the guy with whom Diane had a relationship for almost two years before me and who had dumped her for another girl. Now, he had changed his mind and was making a comeback.
One night, this guy called me on the phone to offer a deal. Prior to that, Diane had told me that no matter what happened, I should never give her back to Alex. Of course, I promised her that I wouldn’t. I don’t know what came over me, but I gave in to Alex’s request. I was so dumb to let him have her back, at least until their second anniversary. I was thinking that it would only be for a month and it was Alex’s last request anyway.
Giving in to the deal was actually tantamount to breaking up with Diane. And we almost did. Good thing, Alex backed out the next day.
But just when I thought everything was over between them, the following days proved me wrong. Although Diane and I were having good times together, I couldn’t help but feel some doubts about her. I knew they were having conversations behind my back, but as much as possible, I wanted to give her some freedom. Even if I had so many chances of reading Alex’s messages on her cell phone, I never did. I must trust her and have faith in her, I told myself.
The next days were hard for me. I was baffled that they were talking again in person. Alex, who used to sit beside her in almost all subjects, was back in his old seat. And he was giving her roses. Something was going on between them.
I wanted to ask Diane’s friends if Alex was courting her again, but I knew they wouldn’t tell me. They were mad at me for messing up their relationship. I should have asked Diane about it, but I was afraid she might tell me something I didn’t want to hear. I was a coward.
Three days before marking the month of our being together, we were in Indang, Cavite, for a three-day bivouac. I was expecting it to be fun, but I was wrong.
During the first night when the rain had stopped, I decided to walk around while everyone seemed busy preparing for dinner. That was when I saw Diane and Alex engaged in a very serious conversation in one corner. They seemed to be having an argument. For some reason, my girlfriend’s face was contorted.
I decided to go inside the officers’ tent and joined my fellow officers in the Citizens Army Training course in taking a rest. A few minutes later, Diane came in. She whispered that she would explain everything to me later, and then went out again.
I was puzzled. My heart started beating so fast that I could almost hear it.
When they were done talking, I went to her. I barely remember now our conversation, but essentially what she told me was that my place in her heart was being threatened by Alex. She said she was confused; letting go of a two-year relationship was just so hard for her to do.
I can’t remember if I uttered a word in reply. The next thing I knew, I was crying in front of her. It was hard for me to believe that I won’t have her anymore. It would still be Alex whom she would choose. I hugged and kissed her, and then walked away, not daring to look back.
My good friends came to comfort me. I almost cried again, but I thought better of it. I decided that moving on was the best thing for me to do. It was the end of the line. We were done with each other.
I don’t regret anything that happened to us. I don’t think she just used me to make Alex jealous and make him go back to her. I am not the type people would consider as “panakip-butas.” I would like to believe that we happened to love each other at the wrong time.
I hated Diane for a couple of weeks. But then I came to realize that she had taught me a lot of things. She taught me that love can come fast and easy, but no one really knows whether or not it will go on and continue to grow. Some good things simply never last.
